


Hold my hand and I'll hold yours

by Ithanelin



Category: Life Is Strange 2 (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Daniel is baby, Drama & Romance, F/F, Fluff, Game: Life is Strange 2 (2018), I just want them to be happy, M/M, My First Fanfic, Sean is oblivious, but maybe a little bit drama, soft finn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-13
Updated: 2020-10-18
Packaged: 2021-03-08 04:21:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,198
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26989693
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ithanelin/pseuds/Ithanelin
Summary: It’s Halloween, Sean is stuck babysitting. He invites his bff Finn over for a movie while waiting for his dad to get home. They plan to go to a Halloween party after, with Lyla.
Relationships: Sean Diaz/Finn
Comments: 9
Kudos: 18





	1. Babysitting

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so this is my very first fanfic, be gentle.  
> Set in an AU where Sean and Finn are bff's who met at school.  
> I have ideas for a couple more chapters, we'll see how long I can keep this up.  
> Let me know what you think after reading <3

It was already dark out, which is probably what Sean liked best about this time of year. And once Daniel would finally give up complaining and go to bed, he’d be able to actually enjoy it. Daniel so badly wanted to stay up longer to marvel at the sugary treasure gained from his Halloween walk with the three of them, but it was way past his bedtime already.

Besides, Sean wanted some quiet time just with Finn. They’d watch a movie before going to Lyla’s party, once Esteban got home. In between walking around for two hours with a sugar-induced Daniel, and the loud music and even louder friends that were waiting for them at the party, Sean longed for some peace and quiet. Only for a few hours. 

And he was pretty sure Finn didn’t mind this idea either. In fact, he wasn’t sure who had come up with the idea in the first place. This way the two best friends could relax and finally hang out with just the two of them. It felt like ages since they’d been able to do that.

Daniel had been nagging Finn for over a week to join him on his trick-or-treating. And Finn could hardly refuse Daniel anything, being the younger brother he never had. Finn absolutely adored Daniel, and vice versa. 

So Finn had agreed to join them on their walk, making smalltalk with the people they encountered. Sean was immensely thankful for that too. Unlike him, Finn seemed to have such an easy time chatting with about anyone who crossed their path. _How does it not exhaust him? I mean, I admire the guy, but after pleasantly chatting with everyone in this moronic street, he still seems so full of energy. He’s always so good at this,_ Sean mused. He fell quiet himself after a couple of houses, letting Finn and Daniel do the rest of the talking. 

_In this way, they’re so alike, Daniel and Finn. So vibrant around new people, never having a hard time making friends._ Sean smiled to himself. Maybe that’s why the two of them got along instantly as well. They were so much like brothers, right from the start. 

Of course, this meant Daniel straight up refused to go to bed whenever Finn was around. 

“Hey, come on now, enano. You know it’s way past your bedtime already.”

“But Sea-ean, -” Daniel started. “I want to stay up for just a little bit longer. Please?”

“Puppy dog eyes don’t work on me, Daniel.” 

“Aw, Sean, you never let me have any fun!” Daniel stomped his foot on the carpet. 

The little brat. Sean was about to walk up to him, pick him up and drag him to his room, when he was startled by Finn laughing.

“Come on now, pup. I promise we’ll play more tomorrow. And the movie we’re about to watch is way too fucking scary anyway. Don’t want you getting nightmares.” Finn ruffled Daniel’s hair, and Daniel grinned at him.

“Oh, okay then, Finn. But we get to play extra tomorrow, right?” 

_Wow, I don’t think I’ve ever seen him cave so quickly. If I had said the movie was too scary, Daniel never would have believed me._ Sean glanced in awe at Finn, and silently thanked him for being around. _Things seem so much easier when Finn’s here. And not just Daniel, but well, definitely Daniel too. That’s probably the easiest he’s ever gone to bed, all because Finn told him too._

Watching Finn put a hand on Daniel’s shoulder and walk him to his room, Sean simply stayed there, staring after them. Finn really had a way with his younger brother, and with other people. Daniel looked up to Finn so much, and Sean was sure he wasn’t the only one. _Must be something in his charismatic voice, or the way Finn’s eyes sparkle when he looks at you. Hell, I know Finn’s convinced me of doing some stupid shit I’d never seen myself doing otherwise. Like that time we all jumped on a moving train, or went swimming in the lake that time._ He grinned to himself at the memories. 

“Watcha doing there, standing and grinning there to yourself, you creep?” Finn asked. 

Sean looked up and found Finn smirking at him.

 _That damn smirk._ Maybe other people found that just as intriguing as he did. Was that why people were drawn to Finn so much? He couldn’t imagine why not, if Finn smirked at everyone like that. Sean studied the way Finn’s lips formed into that perfect half smile, and subconsciously tried to copy it.

“Come on, ya fucking weirdo,” Finn said as he punched him playfully in the shoulder. “Let’s put that movie on already.”

The movie had not been Sean’s first choice. He was quite alright with some horror, but Finn always seemed to think it necessary to push his boundaries of what he was comfortable with. He’d picked out a gory slasher, not even pretending it was because of a good storyline, or character development, or anything. According to IMDB, it was pure gore. 

Finn grinned at him as he grabbed the dvd off the table. He waved it in the air. “You ready for this? It’s gonna be sick.” 

“Yeah, and so am I,” Sean replied. 

“Oh, come on, it won’t be bad,” Finn laughed. “I promise. And if you get scared, I’ll hold your hand. How’s that sound, sweetheart?” He winked, and Sean felt his stomach flutter. 

_Calm your nerves, it’s just a movie. Just a stupid, really fucking scary movie._ So why was he already feeling like his stomach was about to turn upside down?

Sean sat down while he watched Finn ready the movie. He had really been looking forward to this, though. Some uninterrupted time with his friend. Contentedly, he smiled, and stretched his arms above his head. It felt good to sit down, and while the couch was a bit cheap, it was definitely comfortable as hell. He could spend hours sitting here, drawing, or lying down, listening to music, or reading. 

Finn plopped down next to him and pressed the play button. Shaky camera work, menacing music, shifty looks from some people running through the woods in the opening scene - yup, this movie was going to be great… Finn shifted on the couch to get comfortable, which Sean found horribly distracting. Luckily, he got settled pretty quickly, allowing him to focus on the movie. Which he regretted, after only a few minutes. 

The tension build-up and the amount of gore were unrivaled, unlike anything Sean had ever seen before. It almost made it comical, but the gruesome details and, to be fair, rather believable acting, made it almost impossible to look away. Tensing up, he grabbed one of the pillows next to him, and clutched it against his chest. He didn’t even think about being ashamed of such a silly move, he’d all but forgotten he wasn’t alone.

Finn casually put his hand down between them, palm up, not looking away from the screen. Sean mentally chastised himself. _Oh, shit. He probably thinks you’re some sort of baby, clutching that dumb pillow. You idiot. But… is he really offering his hand to me? I thought that was a joke - but this movie is hella scary._ Holding onto someone would probably calm his mind, and offer more comfort than the pillow could. _Should I? What if this is just Finn driving the joke further, or what if this is some kind of weird test, or -_

A jump scare got the better of Finn, and he pulled his hand back to clutch his chest as he gasped. 

_Fuck. Missed the window. Great going, idiot, this is what you get for always overthinking things._

“Dude, you’re missing the best parts!” 

Sean suddenly realized he’d been staring at Finn while overthinking, again, instead of at the screen. 

“Seriously, man, don’t make me rewind this shit. You gotta pay attention. Or is it too scary for you already?” he asked with a smirk. 

“Haha, no way, man,” Sean answered hesitatingly. 

“Aw, is Seanie going to have nightmares?” 

“Shut the fuck up, you know I won’t.” Offended at the comment, Sean threw the pillow at Finn’s face. 

Caught by surprise, Finn just stared at him, incredulously. Sean burst out laughing. 

“Oh it’s on,” Finn said with a low voice as he grabbed the pillow. Sean put his arms up in defense, but Finn whacked at him anyway. He couldn’t stop laughing, and Finn threw in some force to knock Sean over. Before he knew it, Finn was sitting on top of him. 

Sean’s face turned very hot, all of a sudden. Lying in such a compromising position with his friend hovering over him with a wicked grin on his face, he felt his muscles relax, as if he wanted nothing more than to lose this foolish pillow fight as soon as possible. Something screamed at him from the back of his mind, but he ignored it. 

“Dude, stop,” he said, still laughing. 

“No way, not before -” Finn abruptly froze and looked up, towards the hallway. “Daniel? What are you doing out of bed?” 

“I couldn’t sleep.” 

_Fuck, did we wake Daniel?_ Sean urgently tried to squirm out from under Finn.

“Dude, get off me,” he whispered. 

Finn got up and made a half hearted attempt of straightening his hair, and walked towards his little brother. 

Hearing Finn talk softly to Daniel in the hallway, he hastily fixed his shirt and ran his fingers through his hair. He paused the movie and joined them. 

“It’s okay, super bro, you know we’re always here for you. You can always come to us.” 

“Thanks, Finn.”

“Let’s get you a glass of water and then back to bed, what do you think?” 

Daniel agreed, and Finn winked at Sean as he led the little guy back to his room. 

Unable to collect his thoughts, Sean just stood in the hallway, waiting for Finn to return. It might have been a few seconds or minutes, but still dazed, Sean had no idea how much time had passed. His mind was an incoherent scramble of words and thoughts, wrapped up in a whirlwind that wouldn’t calm down. His heart seemed to be racing along, trying to keep up, which didn’t help. 

“Everything alright, honey?” Finn asked, closing the door to Daniel’s bedroom behind him. 

“I’ll, uh -” Sean stammered. “I’ll make some popcorn.” 

With flustered cheeks he walked to the kitchen, and put his hands on the counter. 

_What just happened?_ Their playfighting seemed… off, somehow. He couldn’t quite put his finger on it. _But… off, good, or off, bad?_ He couldn’t decide. Why hadn’t he fought back more? It wasn’t like him to let Finn win like that, or anyone, for that matter.

“You okay back there, sweetie? Need any help?” a voice from the living room called. Finn was apparently already settled back on the couch. 

It took Sean a few seconds to ground himself, remember where he was, and what he was doing. His heart was still threatening to jump out of his chest, pounding nearly as hard as if he’d just finished a race.

“Uh, yeah… couldn’t remember where the popcorn was.”

Hastily he opened the cupboard, found a bag of unpopped corn, and put it in the microwave. 

He looked at Finn, on his couch, who seemed completely relaxed. Finn was texting someone, but it was too far away for him to read.

_Oh no. I did something stupid, didn’t I? He’s probably texting Lyla or Cass or someone to tell them how weird I am. Fuck._

And Finn looked so effortlessly relaxed, like always. How did he do that? Sean had been wondering for a while now, but still had no clue. Where and however Finn sat down, it was always so on brand. Shoulders relaxed, legs propped up halfway, a smirk permanently playing around the corner of his lips… Always that tiny twinkling in his eyes that betrayed his thoughts, whenever he just thought of something exciting to do. Sean had no idea if their friends noticed this as well, but he’d noticed it more and more.

Sean’s mind had drifted off far, stuck in his musings, and he nearly jumped when the microwave announced the popcorn was ready with three loud beeps. _Time to get back to… oh, right._ He quickly remembered why he had been hiding in the kitchen again, and he felt his pulse speed up.

_Alright, calm down. It was probably nothing. Stop getting so worked up, you idiot._

He poured the popcorn into a bowl, took a deep breath, and made his way back. 

Finn smiled widely at him with that familiar twinkle in his eyes, and Sean’s stomach turned upside down. _Oh no, what now? What’s this stupid feeling in my stomach? Did I catch a bug somewhere? I refuse to get sick tonight!_ He groaned to himself. 

“Hey, what’s up, Seanie boy?” Finn asked. 

“I don’t know,” Sean hesitated. “I uh, have this weird feeling in my stomach. I bet it’s nothing. Probably too much Halloween candy.” 

As he put the bowl of popcorn on the table and sat down next to Finn on the couch, he felt himself relax a little. 

“Great, let’s get on with it then!” 

Finn unpaused the movie and grabbed a blanket. Unfolding it, he offered half to Sean, and tucked the other half around his legs.

“Here, wouldn’t want you catching anything,” he said sweetly. “Not before this night is over, anyway. We still have so much to do.” 

Sean accepted the blanket, and made himself comfortable. Before the movie grabbed his full attention again, his phone buzzed. A text from Lyla.

'Hey assholes, when are you coming over? I’m waiting for you.'

He smiled and replied.

'Go get a drink, you seem thirsty.'

He thought for a second, and then sent another reply.

'Still waiting for dad to get home. Will text you when we leave.'

“What are you smiling at? Your girlfriend texting you?” Finn asked tauntingly. 

“Shut up, you know I have no one. It’s just Lyla. Can’t start the party until we show up.” 

“Hah, you know it.” 

Finn grabbed the popcorn bowl and scooted closer to Sean.

Huddled together, they turned their attention to the movie again. With another jump scare they almost spilled the popcorn, which had them both laughing. 

_This is so perfect. I almost wish we never had to leave._ Sean was surprised at his own thoughts. But that’s how it was with best friends, wasn’t it? Every moment spent together was so amazing. He wouldn’t want to share this movie night with anyone else in the world.

The sound of a door opening behind them made Sean startle, but it was just his dad coming home. 

“Oh, hey dad”, Sean called. “You’re home early.”

“Hey Mr Diaz,” Finn added. 

“Hola chicos, what are you watching? Ohh, I know this one. Been a long time since I saw this.”

Esteban sat down on the couch next to Sean, which bothered him, for some reason. It wasn’t unusual for his dad to join them, but it felt like something private had been interrupted. Their brief time together, just the two of them, had come to an end before he'd been able to properly enjoy it. Sean got out from under the blanket and offered his dad some popcorn. They watched the remaining ten minutes of the movie together, while Sean’s thoughts started wandering off to the party. He wondered who was going to be there, and what would happen. As long as it wasn’t too crowded, he was sure it would be perfect. And maybe he and Finn would be able to find a quiet spot to discuss the movie, or talk about anything. That would be cool.

After some polite chitchat, promising his dad they wouldn’t stay out long because he had to work tomorrow, Sean drove off with Finn towards Lyla and the rest of their friends.


	2. Party

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sean and Finn meet up with their friends at Lyla's party. An uninvited guest bothers them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW: bullying, homophobia

The chilly autumn breeze filled the car as Finn rolled his window down. He offered one of the cigarettes he just lit to Sean, who rolled his window down as well and gladly accepted it. The combination of fresh air and tobacco in his lungs made Sean relax a little. He sighed as he focused on the road. 

Somewhere in the back of his mind, earlier events were jumping up and down, yelling and trying to grab Sean’s attention. _What was up with that pillow fight?_ they shouted. _Remember when Finn sat on top of you?_ How could he forget. He felt his cheeks turn red just thinking about it. _Shut up. It doesn’t matter. It’s probably nothing, anyway, so there’s no reason to get so worked up. Better pay some attention, we’re nearly there._

Lyla’s house wasn’t a long drive. Sean was glad for it. He couldn’t wait for the music and endless chatter from his friends to drown out his inner voices. Nothing like a party to distract yourself, and push disconcerting thoughts away until tomorrow.

Finn hadn’t said an entire word the entire ride. He’d just been staring out the window. Sean knew he loved being out in the dark just as much as he did. There’d been many nights in the summer where the two of them would just wander around, hang out in a deserted park or walk the shore of Alki Beach.

Not tonight, though. Now it was time to find their friends in this sea of people. _Damn, there’s a lot more people at this party than I thought. How does Lyla even have so many friends?_

“Wow, look at that! Do you think Lyla just invited the entire year?” Sean asked Finn. 

Finn hadn’t even noticed they’d arrived already. His eyes went wide.

“I don’t know, but I’m impressed with our girl!” He grinned. “Lyla didn’t even need us to start the party. Look at that!” He pointed at the garden, where someone was doing a keg stand. 

“Great.” Sean rolled his eyes. “Looks real responsible, whoever that is.” 

“Come on man. I can’t wait to find Lyla and tell her about the awesome movie we just watched.” 

Sean’s heart jumped. “You mean that god awful thing I barely made it through? Hell, Finn, where do you even keep finding that crap?” he said as they walked up to the house. He wondered what exactly Finn would tell her, and which details he would conveniently omit. 

“Lyla! Lylaaaaa!” Finn shouted once they were inside. “Fuck, we’ll never find her,” he started saying as they suddenly saw Lyla’s arm stick up from the crowd and wave at them. She elbowed her way towards them.

“My guys! Finally made it, huh?” She embraced Sean and Finn both. 

Sean laughed. “Lyla, this is crazy! Who even are all these people?” 

“Cool, right? I guess everyone invited someone else who brought a friend - the house was full before I knew it. Come, let’s get you something to drink.” 

They grabbed some beers from the kitchen at Finn’s suggestion and were lucky enough to find a free spot on the couch for the three of them. Lyla swung her feet up and put her legs on Sean’s lap. 

“Ugh, man, throwing parties is exhausting! I can’t feel my feet,” she complained. She said it with a smile, so they knew Lyla couldn’t be happier about it. 

“So tell me,” she said facing Finn, “how awesome was that movie?” 

“What? That vomit inducing, two hour wasting piece of trash was _your_ idea?” Sean interjected.

Finn laughed. “Yeah man, it sure was!” 

Lyla laughed too. “Hope it wasn’t too scary for you!” She winked at Sean. 

“Psh, as if.” He pushed her legs off his lap. 

Lyla grinned while mock-complaining about her feet some more. Finn recapped the best moments of the movie, which had Lyla in tears laughing. “Invite me next time! Sounds amazing. And it definitely beats watching movies alone.”

“How’s your stomach, Sean?” Finn asked before downing the last of his beer.

“It’s fine, I think.”

“Great, I’m going for refills! Anything for you, Lyla dear?” 

“No thanks, I try to stay at least a little bit sober at my parents’ house. I’ll have a few days to clean up all this mess, but I’d rather not start with a hangover, thank you very much.”

Finn hopped gracefully off the couch and made his way through the crowd.

“What’s wrong with your stomach?” Lyla asked.

“Nothing, probably. I had a weird feeling earlier. But I’m sure it’s not a bug. Just too much candy, or popcorn, or whatever.” 

“Well, if you’re gonna hurl, please take it outside. I have enough cleaning to do already.” 

“Gee, thanks, will do Lyla,” Sean said smiling. 

Finn returned after a few minutes, holding more beers and dragging their friend Jacob along. “Sean! Look at this lost sheep I found wandering around in the kitchen.” 

“Hey, what’s up, Jake?” 

They chatted for a while, discussing better Halloween movies than the one Sean had just suffered through. So pretty much all of them, according to him, which earned him a punch on his arm from Finn. After talking for a while, Lyla suddenly jumped up. 

“Cass!” she shouted while waving. 

Cassidy was scanning over the crowd, and beamed as soon as she spotted Lyla and the others. 

“There y’all are! How’s it going? Having fun? Lyla, I was looking for you, some jerk is fucking with your dad’s garden gnomes outside.”

“Ugh, not again.” Lyla got up and Cassidy followed her to the front door, encouraging her to give that guy a piece of her mind, offering some interesting swear words as she skipped along.

_Man, Cass is such a bad influence on Lyla. She used to get in much less trouble when we were younger... Which was hardly any trouble at all. So I’m kinda glad Cass is here now. She and Finn sure have a way of leading us astray... We both used to be such goody two shoes._

Sean looked up at Finn, who was staring at him with half a smile, and his eyes were glittering. 

_What’s he up to now? I’m not sure if I want to find out._

“Want to go outside for a bit? I could use some air,” Sean said, making a let’s-smoke gesture with his hand.

“Yeah, sounds good, sweetie.”

They found a relatively quiet spot next to the garden shed. Finn threw his back against the wall and let himself slide down. Sean sat down on the ground, and stared at the stars. Was it his imagination, or could he actually see them spinning in real time? He wished he’d brought a blanket, as the cold air gently blew in his face. 

“Fuck me, it’s freezing out here,” said Finn while rubbing his hands. “This is your fault. C’mere.”

Finn pulled Sean’s arm, which threw him off balance, and he fell over. He landed with his head on Finn’s lap, and he laughed. 

“Is that better?” Sean suggested.

“Not really, but I’m not complaining.” 

Some voice at the back of Sean’s mind was shouting again, but he pushed it down without much effort. 

“Hey Finn?” 

“Yes, Seanie?”

“What were you thinking about? I mean, earlier, inside. Your eyes were doing that thing.”

Finn scoffed. “What thing?”

“Y’know,” Sean mumbled. “The thing. Where they glitter. When you’re up to no good.”

_Wait, did I really just say that out loud?_

Finn was silent for a few seconds. “No idea what you’re talking about, sweetie.” He put his arm on Sean’s torso. 

Sean suddenly didn’t feel cold at all anymore, but hardly noticed it. He was glad to be lying down, and hoped fiercely they wouldn’t be getting up any time soon. The world spinned less when your head was closer to the ground. With the music and voices of people clearly having a good time in the background, he felt utterly relaxed. _The alcohol might be helping a bit there, too. But I don’t mind._

“Hey Finn?”

“Still here, sweetheart.” 

“This is nice.”

_Was that out loud too? Why can’t I stop talking? Shut up, you drunk idiot._

Finn didn’t reply, and Sean felt more stupid with each second passing. He nearly opened his mouth again, but was interrupted by someone walking up to them. 

“Hey faggots,” a nasty voice sounded from somewhere above him. 

Sean turned his head. _Oh great. This guy._

“Fuck off, Merrill,” he heard Finn reply. 

Merrill was two years older and still in the same grade as them. Sean had no clue who invited him. He couldn’t imagine Lyla or any of his friends dragging fucking _Merrill_ along, who had built quite the reputation for himself over the years, picking on basically anyone smaller than him. And he was pretty huge. _Asshole._ Sean made a half hearted attempt at sitting up.

“I didn’t know you and loverboy were sucking each other’s dicks,” Merrill sneered.

Sean glanced at Finn, who just rolled his eyes. 

“Man, you really fucked up,” Merrill said, shifting his gaze to Sean. He’d clearly had a beer or two as well already. “First you’re a faggot, and then you decide to go for this _mongrel of a street dog_? Can’t imagine someone more disgusting to -”

“Leave us the fuck alone, Merril,” Finn growled. “I’m not asking again.”

Sean tensed up. A knot formed in his stomach, and he felt nauseous again. Different than before.

Merrill laughed. “Oh, that’s gold.” He glanced around at the small crowd that had started to form, hoping to get some sympathizers. All he got was stares, though. No one dared come between them. Sean idly wondered why. 

Merrill grabbed Finn by his shirt, and all of a sudden, his face was right in front of Finn’s. “Does your mom know you’re gay?” he spewed.

“No, but your dad does,” Finn retorted.

A few people in the crowd went “Ohhh” and “Damn!”

The bully looked like he was about to lose it. “You dick! Take that back! I’m not taking shit from a faggot like you!” His head had turned a vile shade of red, and he was spitting while he yelled. Merrill grabbed Finn’s shirt tighter, and tried to pull him up.

Sean felt his hand almost automatically form into a fist, and was about to jump up, when a familiar voice came up from the crowd.

“Step away, Merrill!” It was Jacob.

_Jake! Bless his heart,_ Sean thought. Jake was always so nervous, hardly ever stood up for himself or spoke up at all, and here he was, a vigilante, jumping to their aid.

“You have nothing to gain here,” Jacob continued. “Besides,” he gestured at a few people already holding phones up to film, “do you really want your daddy to find out about this? Get suspended, again?” 

Merrill was stunned. He was still holding Finn by his collar, the latter growing more and more uncomfortable. “I -”

“Yeah, and so what!” a second voice yelled. _Cass?_ “Even if they’re gay, that’s none of your business!”

Sean stared at her, flabbergasted. _Oh my god, Cass, shut up. I mean thanks, but -_

“Stop fucking bullying them, it’s none of your business.” 

“No, I - it’s not like - we’re -” Sean sputtered. No one seemed to hear him.

With four people against one, and a few phones still aimed at his face, Merrill weighed his options and decided to drop it. He begrudgingly made his exit.

Finn breathed out heavily as he fell back against the wall of the shed. 

_What just happened?_ “Finn, are you alright?” Sean asked. He stuck out his hand to straighten Finn’s shirt. 

“It’s nothing,” Finn said, brushing his hand away. “I’ve been called worse.” 

“Are you guys okay?” Jacob sounded honestly worried. 

“Yeah, I mean no… I mean, thanks, Jake,” Sean stammered. 

“Don’t worry. And uh… I don’t know if you are, or not, it’s none of my business. But whatever be the case, I’ll stick up for you, alright?” 

Surprised by Jacob’s sudden candor, Sean just stared blankly at him. 

“Take care, alright? Let me know if you need anything.” Jacob patted Sean on his back, and walked away. 

Sean turned back towards Finn, the world around him still blurry.

“Some party, huh?” Finn said, sarcasm heavy in his voice. “Come dude, let’s go get another drink.”

Finn got up and started towards the house. Sean followed him inside, not knowing what else to do. Staring at the back of Finn’s head, he mulled over Merrill’s words in his mind. _Is that how everyone sees us? Just because we hang out all the time and are close like that, doesn’t mean anything. Right? I don’t know… Maybe I should talk with Finn about all this… find out what he thinks about everything that happened tonight. We should talk… tomorrow, or…_

His train of thought was interrupted by his phone buzzing in his pocket. He looked at his screen and noticed the time. _Fuck._

“Finn? I need to go. It’s time, and you know my dad -”

Finn looked at him with a smirk. “Aw, does Cinderella need to make it home before the carriage turns back into a pumpkin?” 

“Ha-ha.” 

“Darlings!” Cassidy’s voice sounded next to them. “Don’t you worry your pretty little heads. We kicked that prick out. No idea who made the mistake of inviting him, but y’all can rest easy now.” 

“Actually, Cass, I was about to head off,” Sean said, pointing at the clock in the living room.

“Yeah, this princess needs her beauty sleep,” joked Finn. _Ouch. That hurts._

“Noooo, don’t leave on account of that bully! He’s a fucking idiot, and you -” Cassidy started.

“No, it’s fine, Cass. Honest. My dad just doesn’t like me getting home late. You know how it is.” He fumbled in his pockets, trying to find his keys. “Actually, I think I might walk. I still feel quite tipsy.”

“Ah, no way, it’s like a five minute drive! Let me take you home, wait here, I’ll grab my keys.” Cassidy ran off before he could protest.

An awkward silence filled the space between Sean and Finn. Sean hated that. He had to say something, anything. 

“Kinda nice, I guess, of her and Jake to stand up for… you know,” said Sean.

Finn rubbed his neck with his hand, while avoiding eye contact. “Yeah. I guess. I’ll go find Jake in a bit and thank him. He didn’t have to do that.”

Sean wondered what exactly seemed to bother Finn, but decided not to press him. 

“Back! Let’s hit the road!” Cass said enthusiastically. 

“Okay. See you tomorrow?” he asked Finn.

“Yup. See you tomorrow.” 

_No “sweetheart” or “Seanie boy”?_ Sean was just a little bit upset by the lack of endearing nickname from his friend. 

He got into the passenger seat, and thanked Cassidy for driving him home. “You’re sure it’s alright with Lyla if I pick my car up tomorrow?”

“Yes, Sean, for the second time, it’s fine. Stop worrying,” she said with a wink. “So, you and Finn have been friends for a while now, right? How many years has it been?” 

“I don’t know, as if I can do math right now,” Sean groaned. “We’ve known each other since third grade. The friends part happened later. ‘M not sure I remember when.”

Cassidy turned on the radio. Some vague indie rock band was playing, nothing Sean recognized.

“I love that you’re so comfortable with each other. Sure looked cozy, the two of you outside,” Cass mused.

Sean stiffened. “Yeah, I guess.”

“You don’t have to answer, but I am curious… are you two, like, together?”

“No way! I mean, we’re close, but, not like that.” Sean’s hands felt sweaty, and he rubbed them on his pants. 

Cassidy giggled. “No need to get so defensive. I just meant that it’s clear you two have a special connection. Even more than bff’s. Or are you the same when Lyla’s around?”

“Hm, not really,” Sean pondered. “I mean, I love hanging out with her, but it’s always easy, you know? With Finn, I don’t know. Sometimes he looks at me, and I - What are you grinning at me for?” 

Turning onto Sean’s street, Cassidy looked at Sean meaningfully. 

“What? What’s with you?”

Cassidy just smiled and parked in front of his house. Turning off the ignition, she asked Sean if he’d ever thought about who he was attracted to. _Great, car therapy. If I weren’t still tipsy I’d just get out, but let’s see where this goes._ Cassidy threw around some names of clear hotties at their school, both girls and boys, and they discussed general attractiveness vs. personalities. A realization slowly started to dawn in Sean’s befuddled head.

“Okay, fine… I guess some boys are cute. BUT,” he started before Cass could interrupt, “Finn surely doesn’t like me in that way. I don’t even know if he likes guys at all, and I don’t want to ruin our friendship even suggesting anything.” 

“Wow, alcohol sure makes you talkative,” Cass said playfully. 

Sean rolled his eyes. “I know. Please don’t tell anyone. Swear that you won’t tell anyone, _especially_ Finn.” 

“You sure? I could always just ask him, if you want,” she teased. 

“No! I mean it Cass. Just… no.” 

“No worries, your secret’s safe with me. Now get out, I think I saw your dad spying at us through the curtain.” 

Sean sighed. “Hey, thanks again for dropping me off. And you’re sure it’s fine -”

“Yes, you’ll pick your car up tomorrow. Drink some water before you go to bed, okay?” 

“Yes, _mom_ ,” Sean said sarcastically. “Say thanks to Lyla for me. It wasn’t a bad party.” 

He made his way to the front door, managed to open it after only two tries, and was greeted by his dad. 

“Hola, Sean. Did you have fun?” 

Sean debated how to answer. “Yeah, I guess. Party wasn’t bad. Lots of people.” 

“And Cassidy drove you home? That’s pretty nice of her. Didn’t know you two were, eh, so close,” Esteban said suggestively. 

“Ugh, dad, it’s not like that,” Sean grumbled. “I’m off to bed. Need sleep.” 

“Haha, alright, hijo. See you at breakfast.” His dad clapped him on the shoulder and went to bed. 

Remembering Cassidy’s advice, Sean downed a glass of water before going to bed as well. He didn’t even bother undressing before falling down on his mattress, and drifted off instantly.


	3. Questions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sean has a million questions, and the only person who he wants to talk with doesn't text back. Now what?

A pleasant dream where Sean was lying with his head in Finn’s lap in the middle of a deserted forest was rudely interrupted by his alarm.

_Ugh. Why didn’t I turn that off before I went to bed? It’s way too early for things._

Rubbing his eyes, Sean slowly sat up. He checked his phone and was disappointed when the only message he’d gotten was from Cassidy. “Hydrate, bitch!” it read, and it had been sent shortly after he’d arrived home yesterday. He hadn’t even heard it come in last night. _No text from Finn yet… but he’s a notoriously long sleeper._

Not ready to face the day yet, he grabbed his sketchbook and tried to draw the scene from his dreams from memory. It had been a quiet space, a small clearing in the middle of a forest consisting of giant redwood trees. The trees had looked so ancient and majestic. They made Sean feel safe in his dream. It was like a place where time stood still, and no one would be able to find them.

Lying down on the floor of the pine forest with his head on Finn’s lap, he could almost vividly recall the earthy smell that had surrounded them, together with the small rays of sunlight playing through the branches above their heads. _Sunlight is so fucking hard to draw. Guess this is a good exercise…_ Working with the new pencils he’d gotten for his birthday this summer, Sean tried to capture the right shading, which proved even more difficult because he’d only seen the place in his dreams.

_I wonder if this place exists for real. If it does… I’d love to go there someday. With or without Finn… but preferably with._ He eyed his drawing and closed his eyes. _And maybe then I can get these fucking sunrays right._

After a while he was more or less content with the result, and he went to put on fresh clothes. A shower would come later, first he’d have to walk all the way to Lyla and get his car back. Not that he minded. Walking was just what he needed, and if he was lucky there’d be some sunlight this morning, when he’d walk through the park on his way over. Then he could adjust his drawing later, perhaps, to make it look more real.

The noise coming from the kitchen interrupted his thoughts and betrayed his dad’s presence. Begrudgingly, Sean dragged himself out of his room. The need for coffee was getting too strong to stay hidden away much longer.

“Morning, mijo!” Sean’s dad sounded way too chipper, as usual. “Hope I didn’t wake you with my cooking.” He whistled as he whisked some eggs in a bowl.

_Why did dad have to be a morning person?_

Sean yawned as he stretched his arms over his head. “No, it’s fine, dad.” He went straight for the coffee maker and was grateful to find it full.

“Thought you could use a cup after your night out. How’re you feeling? You getting the car back soon?”

“Yeah, I’ll go over after breakfast,” Sean answered.

“Good.” Esteban nodded, and put the whisk down for a second. “I’m glad you didn’t drive home last night. I’m not too happy that you’re drinking… But I’m proud of you for making at least one good decision.”

“Ugh, dad.”

“It’s fine, hijo. And… be sure to thank Cassidy for not letting your old man worry too much. It was really kind of her, going out of her way for you.” He shot him a meaningful glance.

It was either that look in his eyes, or the hit of caffeine, but Sean suddenly felt a lot more awake. _Here we go,_ a voice in his head warned him.

“Uh… Sure, I’ll tell her.”

“Maybe you could invite her over for dinner, later.”

_There it is._

Esteban tried his best suppressing a small grin, but Sean had already seen through him. He groaned.

“Only if you want to,” he said, feigning nonchalance while he resumed cooking. “Scrambled eggs?”

“Actually, I’ll think I’ll just leave now.” Sean grabbed a cereal bar and headed for the door. “Later, dad.”

Sean hurriedly shoved his feet in his shoes and snatched his jacket off the coathanger. He could swear he heard his dad sigh the very moment he stepped outside.

_Seriously? Me and Cass? Why would dad ever think there’s something between us? He can be so… I don’t know. Like he doesn’t get me at all, sometimes._

He shivered as he zipped his jacket close, the sun hadn’t fully come through yet.

_I wonder if I’ll ever be like that, later… if I ever have kids. Can’t imagine myself doing that. Raising a little rascal like Daniel… Dad seriously has a lot of energy, dealing with him. With the two of us, actually… I wonder how Dan will feel once he’s old enough to date, and dad starts teasing him. Would I defend my little bro? Or just tease him, right along with dad?_

Sean took his favourite shortcut through the park, he loved walking through the freshly fallen leaves. It was still too foggy for sunlight, so fixing his drawing would have to wait until another time. But the park was still nice, especially at this time in the morning, when almost no one else was around. Except from one old man walking his dog, and one fervid jogger, the only thing that interrupted the silence were Sean’s ever-mulling thoughts.

_Of course, Daniel will have to get over Lyla first. Damn kid has been asking her to marry him since he was five or so... She’s way too nice to him. And too old for him, for sure._

His little brother liking Lyla so much didn’t really bother Sean. But it did cut into their time considerably, whenever Lyla came over to hang out with him. And now he was doing the same thing with Finn as well.

_Finn._

Sean wondered how he was doing, after last night. The lack of texts this morning was starting to worry him just a little bit. Or at least, he told himself it was only a little.

Maybe Finn would still be at Lyla’s, crashing on a couch somewhere. Maybe Sean would find him, and they’d be able to talk, about… _About, what, exactly?_

Sean’s nice walk through the disappearing wisps of fog, packed with unavoidable overthinking, finally came to an end. He’d arrived at Lyla’s, and went inside to look for her. _Let’s see how she’s doing, after that hell of a party. Hope the house is still intact._

It didn’t take long to find her, as Lyla and Cass were both in the living room. Lyla was already going around the room with a garbage bag, while Cassidy was cleaning up some glass shards in a corner.

“Hey, g’morning,” Sean said as he quickly scanned the couches.

“Morning, sunshine!” Lyla answered. “Here to help us clean up? That’s so nice of you!” She shoved the bag into Sean’s hands.

“Heh, sure, Lyla.” Absentmindedly, he started picking up some cups and other trash that was scattered around.

“Great, I’ll go make us some more coffee.” Lyla fixed her ponytail and skipped to the kitchen.

Cassidy walked over with the shards on a dustpan to dump them into Sean’s bag. As she carefully brushed glass off, she looked at him. “He’s not here anymore, y’know.”

“Hm?”

“I saw you lookin’ around the room and checking your phone. Finn already left.”

“Oh, uh,” Sean hesitated. “I mean, I’m not - that’s not what I -”

“I think it was around 2AM when I noticed he was gone already. Didn’t even say goodbye or anything.”

A sudden flash of panic rushed through Sean. _Oh fuck. Finn’s gone? I hope nothing happened to him. What if his phone ran out of battery, and -_

She flashed him a sweet smile. “Don’t worry. You know he just wanders off sometimes. It’s what he does. Bet he’ll be home later today.”

“Yeah, you’re right,” Sean said as his mind was still racing. He tried to think of something else to say, but couldn’t find the right words.

He took his phone out of his pocket, and texted Finn.

'Hey man, you alright? Heard you went missing at the party. Want to hang out today?'

As he put his phone away, Lyla returned with three steaming cups of coffee, and started chatting about everything Sean had apparently missed after he left. He politely nodded and interjected with “No way”-s and “Mhm”-s when he felt it appropriate, but didn’t really register a single detail she or Cass were going on about.

An hour or so later, Sean was home again. A short handwritten note on the counter informed him that his dad was dropping off Daniel at baseball practice, and he was going by the garage to pick some things up.

_That could take a while,_ he mused as he strolled to his room.

He opened up his laptop, and tried to grab one of the voices that were bouncing around in the back of his head, to see if he could still them. There were roughly a million questions, and he had no idea where to start.. He put his hands on the keyboard and started typing into the search engine without thinking, and when his fingers stopped moving he was surprised to read the sentence “how to tell if you’re gay”. He blinked at the screen.

_Huh. I guess I should’ve seen that coming. Might as well see where this leads._

He pressed enter and immediately nearly jumped out of his chair when at that exact second a Skype call came in. It was Lyla.

Quickly, he checked his hair, and accepted the call. “Hey Lyla, what’s up? Everything okay over there?”

She looked flustered. _Probably from all the tidying up she’s been doing all morning._

“Hey, wow, you look spooked. What’s wrong?” she asked with a frown on her face.

“Oh, nothing, it’s fine,” Sean said evasively. “So uhm, how’s the cleaning going?”

“Yeah yeah, that’s all good,” she said as her eyes flitted to the side. She dropped her voice. “Listen, Sean, I kinda need to talk. If you have time. Are you free tonight?”

“Sure, why? Did anything happen to you at the party?” He tried to read her expression, and failed.

“No, but - listen, I have to go now. I’ll text you after dinner, alright?”

“Alright, see you tonight.”

The poor girl looked almost frightened. _What on earth could have happened to her? I’ve never seen her like this before. Except maybe that one time when she was 13 and she broke that vase, and tried to hide it from her dad… but this seems different._

He closed the laptop and checked his phone. No answer yet. Restless and annoyed, Sean decided to text Finn again.

'Home yet? I forgot if you had any plans today. We could go to a movie, or whatever.'

_Double texting? And that second text sounded kind of desperate, didn't it? Damn._

He paced around the room, and was composing another text before he knew it.

'I’ll be home all day probably so hmu if you feel like it.'

_Okay, that didn’t make it any better. Stop texting him. Go do something._

Sean was so frustrated with himself he started picking up laundry to run a machine. _Maybe I should go for a run while I wait for Finn to drag himself home. Or maybe he is home, and doesn’t want to talk? Argh!_

After starting the laundry cycle, he aimlessly opened his laptop again. The question was still burning in the search engine, as were some interesting answers that were showing in the top results. A particular one caught his attention.

Sean got up, and went to the window in the living room to check the driveway. He gazed up and down the street, and returned to his room quickly. He closed the door and the curtains, opened an incognito window, _because you can’t be safe enough,_ and anxiously googled “gay porn”.

_So generic. But how should I even know what I would like? I mean, if I even do like it at all._

He browsed a few videos and felt his face turn more and more red with each one he clicked. And that wasn’t the only part of his body he felt his blood rush to.

_Okay, I guess I don’t *not* like it._

A knock on his door made him jump. Instinctively, he slammed his laptop shut. Just in time, because his dad opened his door before he could even react.

“Dad! You can’t just -”

“What? I knocked, didn’t I? Anyway, I just wanted to let you know I’m back. Carry on,” Esteban said as he closed the door again.

_Damn, I didn’t even hear him come home._ He got up and tried to shake the tension from his body. _I should really get a lock._

Sean walked out of his room, planning to ask his dad for just that. But his dad started talking before he could open his mouth. 

“Ah, Sean. Listen, I’m gonna go back to the garage in a bit. Do you want to join me, maybe earn some extra cash?”

“Yeah, sounds good.” _At least I’ll be distracted then. And not google any more stupid things._ “By the way, what do you think about uh… getting me a lock for my bedroom door?”

Esteban laughed. “We’ll talk about that later, alright? Go get your things, I’m about to leave.”

Sean went to his room and checked his phone one more time. Still no texts. It wasn’t really like Finn to not text back for such a long time, but he decided to push that thought away. He sent a short message to Lyla telling her he’d be home a bit later because of work, grabbed his keys and plugged his charger into the phone.

During his shift his dad was thankfully too occupied to ask any more embarrassing questions. Or maybe he had dropped it altogether. Whatever the case, Sean was happy to have some manual labour to keep his mind occupied for a while.

As soon as he got home though, the anxiety was gnawing at him again. Before he could even think about showering, he had to check his phone. A blinking light indicated a new message that was sent about ten minutes ago. Sean sat down before he dared to open it.

He felt like a hand squeezed his stomach as he read the three simple words on his screen, sent by Finn.

'Want to Skype?'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, I will end this chapter on a bit of cliffhanger. Fight me.


End file.
